Ugliest Job Description Contest

We got an email this morning from a company that wanted a DBA with experience managing >200TB databases.  The salary started at $60,000.  That provoked a series of laughs on Twitter, and it got us thinking – what would be the worst SQL Server job description out there?

Dig back into your past, and your friends’ pasts, and think back to the jobs you’ve had.  What was the worst job environment you had?  Post it here in the comments before Monday, February 1st, and we’ll draw a random entry to win a copy of Professional SQL Server 2008 Internals and Troubleshooting signed by Brent Ozar, one of the authors.

Open to residents of the US, Canada, and the EU only (sorry, international shipping’s a mess.)  One entry per person only.  We reserve the right to delete any entries, especially yours.

DBAs and developers – let’s hear how bad you’ve had it!

Update February 1st: we picked a winner!  Well, two of them actually: we’re giving away copies to both Jorge Segarra and Kelly Martinez.  Congratulations, and thanks for playing!

14 thoughts on “Ugliest Job Description Contest

  1. Responsibilities: Administrate, troubleshoot and develop on existing petaflop databases. Candidate will also be responsible for enterprise backup solutions as well as be the administrator, developer and architect for Sharepoint environment. While you’re at it also supply coffee and fix the boss’ car.

    Salary: Starting pay $40k

    Education: MCTS/MCM/Omnipotence is preferable but not required. High school diploma or equivalent optional as well. It’s Microsoft products so anyone should be able to do this, right? Right?!?

    Certification: Insane preferred but not required.

  2. Website Designer with HTML knowlege

    Looking for an experience web designer to develop website and code. Start asap. I have 5 jobs that need to be completed within 2 weeks. Serious inquiries email me. See below for compensation.

    Compensation: 50.00 – 70.00 per site completed and launched
    This is a part-time job

  3. We just helped a company called Bravissimo (www.bravissimo.com) to hire a DBA in the UK. “Big bras, lingerie and swimwear for D-KK cup women”. What a tough place to work!

    To help open up the audience a bit, I’ll get a copy of the book signed and shipped within Europe.

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  5. Most ridiculous ad I saw was asking for someone to work on MS Access reports – that you shouldn’t have many questions or else they’d do it themselves, and that there was no pay involved, but they’d discuss bartering over a beverage of your choice.

    Obviously, it was a craigslist ad. That ad did get a few giggles during some lay off’s at work – we realized it could always be worse :)

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